Dinner with Some Stoic Guys

I believe I'm a masochist because I would love to have dinner with:

Gil Grissom (CSI),
Horatio Caine (CSI: Miami),
Mac Taylor (CSI: NY),
Leroy Jethro Gibbs (NCIS), and
Dr. Gregory House (House).

All at the same time. Sort of a roundtable discussion with me as the only woman in a room filled with testosterone-ladened stoicism. We'd meet in a neighborhood pub for burgers and beer. I can't wait to dig a little deeper into their characters and little traits.

These are my favorite men on television, my favorite because they are such tough nuts to crack. I want to pick their brains and ask a few questions that have been bugging me for a while and a couple quite recently. For instance:

1. Horatio, how come you don those shades all the time but always were black?
It's Miami, goodness' sakes! I get hot just looking at you in those black blazers. Don't you have a nice tan-colored suit?

2. Gil, how are you holding up since Sara went away?
You seem to be taking the whole break-up in stride. As expected, you seem to be distracting yourself with work.

3. Mac, when are you going to fall in love with Stella?
You two make a great match and she knows you so well.

4. Gibbs, what's up with the mystery redhead and what happened to her?
I've seen her in your basement, dropping you off at or picking you up from scenes but still can't figure out how she fits into your life. I know you have a thing for redheads but, c'mon, give us a clue.

5. House, why haven't you ever confronted your father about what he did to you as a child?
Yeah, I know it's wishful thinking, but I'd love to see you give the bastard what-for over the abuse you suffered. Maybe if you did, you wouldn't be drowning your emotional pain with Vicodin.

I can see it now. All of them are going to look at me, without cracking one smile, like I've grown another head and not answer me at all. These men are experts at playing their cards close to the vest but that's why I find them so fascinating, so compelling. After about a minute under their intense stares, I'd sigh heavily, smile weakly and take a huge bite out of my burger.